10 FACTS ABOUT ME (THAT ONLY A FEW PEOPLE KNOW)

Hi, so I've decided to get back on blogging. Like post some more topics not just my travels or what inspires me. Yesterday, I got inspired to write again. I was listening to Moira Dela Torre's new album, Malaya, and there's just something in her voice and songs that made me want to get back to writing again. I've missed it. I actually decided to not go with my family to a beach on Batangas because I wanted to finish my chores and my work. Because lately I've been so lazy to do those things and when I started listening to Moira, it just inspired me to just get on with it!

So I opened my Pinterest app, looked for topics to talk about and saw this list about what to write in your lifestyle blog. I picked this topic because I wanted to share with you in case there are people who read my blog. LOL and also to my family who doesn't know these facts about me pls take notes hehe charot

Here's 10 facts that only a few people in my life know about me:

1. I don't drink coffee. Not because I don't want to, believe me I want it so bad, but every time I try to, I get massive headaches. And no, i'm not allergic. It's the reaction you get when you don't regularly drink coffee and then you suddenly try to (I googled).
2. I prefer rice more than bread. Don't get me wrong, I love bread, too but only when I'm in the mood to eat it. I just love rice more than life. Chos but I mean, who doesn't??? come fight me 
3. I'm a light sleeper. My parents and my sister don't believe this fact when I tell them because whenever I sleep at home, I fall asleep immediately. I mean, cmon, of course I would, it's home. It's quiet and comfortable. But whenever I sleep over at another house, I find it hard to sleep. Especially when it's noisy. I also wake up in the middle of the night because i'm uncomfortable.
4. I have a short attention span. I can't concentrate on one thing if I get distracted. For example, when i'm reading and then suddenly I hear the television or music, I would get distracted and won't be able to concentrate anymore. 
5. I prefer to work alone. Yes, I need help sometimes when I don't know something in what i'm working on, but I really prefer to work alone. For instance, when i'm writing a new blog post, I don't want anyone lurking behind me and reading what i'm writing. LMAO I know they're gonna read it anyways, but you know what I mean? yeah
6. I can be a little OCD sometimes. I just like things to be organized, you know? Whenever I see some clutter on my desk, I immediately fix it. Ok, not all the time but most of the times. I hate it when my stuff gets messy. Especially when other people borrow it and then they don't put it back where they picked it from. Like UUGGGHHHH I hate that. pls stop doing that thanks
7. I get irritated easily. Mostly because of the hot weather in my country. Mabilis kasi ako pagpawisan. So, whenever I sweat, maiirita na ako. ALL THE DAMN TIME. I hate it when I sweat most specially when i'm wearing make-up. (P.S. I'm sorry sa lahat ng nasungitan ko because of this attitude)
8. I love sweaters/hoodies/long sleeves. But I can't wear them because like I said, HOT WEATHER and well, fact no. 7.
9. I hate it when the smell of the food sticks to my hair or clothes. I guess this is one of my pet peeves. Whenever I eat out or cook food, the smell of the food would stick to my hair or my clothes and I. FREAKING. HATE. IT when that happens. 
10. I think ahead of time. At least most of the time. Whenever I would travel, I would list all of the things I'd need and then pack my things a few days before I leave. Or if I plan on going out the next day, I would decide what to wear the day before.

That's it for now. I'm sure there's still a lot I didn't put on the list but they were the facts that only a few people know about me as far as I remember. So if you already know some of this, feel special lol jk

I hope you enjoyed reading these facts as much as I enjoyed writing and sharing them with you!

Much love,

Gjanelli

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HOW MY 2017 WENT

Hi there! It's the last hour of 2017 and so I just wanted to share how my year went. I think I owe you this one since I only shared 8 blog posts for this year, so here it is:

January: The day we've all been waiting for! Finally, Vichien gave birth to Vianna Flor B. Evangelista, a very cute and chubby baby girl :) My family and I have been waiting for this to happen because we were all excited to meet her. The day before it happened, we went to Vichien's OB-Gyne to have her weekly check up. We actually weren't expecting for her to give birth the next day but her doctor said it's time! So, we kind of panicked because our parents were in Isabela at that time! But we did know what to do anyways. We went to the hospital the next day and then waited. And voila! Welcome to the world, Vianna! :) / Also, before all that happened, we went to Zambales with my family. Read more about it here.

February: Spent Valentine's day with my mother and my aunt at Secret Haven Cafe. We ate, talked and bought plants after. There's a plant store just beside the cafe :)

March: My family and I went to Makati to get something and then we went to BGC to have lunch/merienda. Also, I got a new phone! ;)

April: My family and I went to Batangas to celebrate my birthday. And then, we went out again to celebrate mama's immigrant status lmao I don't know but yeah and then we drove mama to the aiport on the 8th. Last week of April, we went to Puerto Galera with my family :)

May: Went to La Union with Parekoys (another blog post). I went home to Quezon City for Ella's 15th birthday. We went night swimming, had so much fun! And in the last week of May, it was Vianna's christening so lamon na naman mga 'tsong! Haha

June: To celebrate father's day, we watched Wonder Woman and then had early dinner at Shakey's. And then eat out again with the fam! lol

July: Went to Manila to meet my college bestfriend, Ica and her dog Baobei!! :)

August: It was the first time Vianna tried sitting, but only for a few seconds. Then, my first time eating at a food park with ate Tin's friends/church mates. Also happened, Vianna's first time to swim! It was so fun even though she had no reaction at all lol we also celebrated papa's birthday thru a weekend long of foodtrip hahaha and then on the 27th, mommy's 1st death anniversary we had a boodle fight. Last week of August, I went to Manila to see my cousins :)

September: Finally met with my best friend after so many years! charot but it felt like it huhu we just shared stories with each other the whole 1-2 hours? and then we had dinner. Also, September had a few beautiful sunsets which I was thankful for because I loooooove sunsets. My family and I went to National Museum, it was my first time! I loved it. Especially the photograpy part, I think it was on the 2nd/3rd floor? omg i cant remember but I loved it. ANNNNDDDDD the best thing that ever happened to me this month...... Purpose Tour!!!! was cancelledt lmao i'm still bitter up to this day because leche talaga to si Justin, paasa. hahahaha charot still love him though pero I almost didn't see him (nung hindi pa niya kina-cancel) I was supposed to get the Lower box tix but papa didn't allow me, hindi daw practical. true pero Justin yun e :( So I bought a gen ad ticket from another fan na lang, tapos the next day nag-cancel si Justin hahaha yaw q na

October: My cousins and I tried the Nuclear noodles challenge??? Basta yung Samyang lol and shocks ang its soooo spicy (malamang hahaha). My grandmother treated us to dinner for JM's birthday at Vikings! Went to Nuvali for my lolo's house turn over. Movie date with papsi, ate and Fedz. Huhubels with Tita Mau went to Caleruega and the Gingerbread House. YAAAYYYYY

November: We lost one of my grandmothers, mama Ding. She was close to mommy. After the burial, we had dinner to celebrate mommy's birthday. My family and I went to Padre Pio Batangas. And then, Papsi, Mikhail, ate and I celebrated her birthday at Okada. We had early dinner first at Seafood Island. And then the day after, my cousins and I ate at Onyang's, ate's treat!

December: I finally changed my blog's name to MY NAME and I also got a domain!! It was on sale so I bought it since I wanted to try it for a long time now. I still don't know how it works but i'm still learning lol more gala and selfies with Vianna and went to ate Tin's church in Silang to celebrate watch their Christmas concert. Christmas Eve with huhubels :)

I've experienced a lot this year, from celebrating life to being depressed (I shouldn't have diagnosed myself because i'm not a professional, but i'm pretty sure I was), to eating my heart out to going on a diet again, also, self realization and self discovery have happened this year too, which i'm sure I will write another blog post about, hopefully. lol

2018 is only an hour away and I only wish for good things to happen like:

• acceptance
• stability
• safety/security
• a job (hopefully & finally)
• more travel
• more self confidence
• more life lessons
• good health for me and my family
• be healthier
• closer relationship with God
• to find my purpose in life
• hopefully world peace and end hunger and poverty :(

I wish you enjoyed 2017 as much as I enjoyed it and have a great and wonderful new year ahead! Cheers to life!

Much love,

Gjanelli

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LIFE LATELY

Hi journal, it's me again. Sorry for being MIA for a while. I didn't mean to. I think I don't have to say why because I always say it every time i'm back to writing a new blog post. I just came back to say i'm still alive. lol I can't say that a lot has happened. You know me, there's not much happening in my life because I don't go out a lot. So far, nothing has changed except maybe I was at a happy place and now i'm back to I don't know even know how to describe my life. I feel like i'm just floating around and I know I should do something about it. Should've done something long time ago. But here I am, still stuck.

Anyways, hopefully I finish this blog post before I start to feel lazy again. To be honest, I miss this. I want to share a lot. I know I said nothing's happened but it's the little things that matter to me. And as you can see, I changed my blog's name. AGAIN. I'm sorry, for a person who seems to be stuck, I like to change things every now and then. As you all know, wanderer means 'a traveler'. I don't travel a lot because i'm basically broke lol but I like to travel a lot. Like a lot. I actually miss traveling. Last time I traveled with family was last May, I think. That'll be for another blog post.

So lately, my life has been the same. Sometimes, I go out with family and I also went to see my best friend last month and my other best friend last July. Most of the time, I watch tv. Sometimes, I read a book or two. Sometimes, I go to visit my baby niece and play with her. So there's that I guess. Somehow, being stuck isn't that bad. But it gets tiring sometimes. You know, doing the same things everyday again and again. I also felt really distant with God lately. Actually, I think it's been a few months now. I read my daily devotion and the Bible everyday but I didn't seem to connect to it. I guess until last night. Last night, I was reading my daily devotional email from Proverbs 31 Ministries, it's about giving up. There's an excerpt: 

The day I said “I can’t take this anymore,” I felt like giving up. Maybe you’ve felt that way, too.

But upon uttering those words and admitting my weakness, I felt a nudge to my spirit. I knew I needed to focus on God instead of my circumstances and worries. I needed to refocus on what He had done in my life, rather than what He had not yet done. I needed to believe instead of doubt Him, and place my trust in the only One who actually could fix things. As I intentionally adjusted my focus, hope and peace slowly returned. Faith alone helped me to God-up instead of give up. Not because I had the strength to do so, but because I had God’s strength within me which pushed me forward in faith, just like the apostle Paul.

I definitely relate to this one. I know, right? God is really amazing. Just when I thought of really giving up, He gives me to read this one thru my daily devotional. I'm honestly getting goosebumps while writing this. I know I have a lot of shortcomings when it comes to my faith but it never really wavered. I realized that I never lost my faith in God, just in myself. I keep on asking God for what my purpose in life is because i'm honestly tired of looking or thinking about what it is. But then, I remembered this one daily devotion i've read from days ago, that I should just let go and let God. I know He has something planned for me. I just don't know what is it yet and i'm willing to wait. I never really question what God is planning for me because I know He's got this. Now, I just need to figure out what to do with myself. How to boost my confidence again because I seem to fail at everything nowadays. But that is a learning process everyday. I feel like i'm slowly getting to it and I know God will always guide me whenever and however, no matter what. 

So if you're on the verge of giving up or already gave up, I suggest to get back up and God-up and always remember that God always shows up.

P.S. I posted a link on the Something To Inspire You tab if you want to get your own daily devotional :)

"Maybe for reasons only you and God know, you’ve found yourself saying “I can’t take anymore,” too. Maybe giving up hope about that difficult situation, problem or relationship seems easier than hanging on to it. It’s okay. Everyone struggles with those thoughts and feelings at times. But like Paul, the moment we catch ourselves feeling that way we can choose to give up or God-up. We can let our thoughts and feelings deplete us of strength, hope and joy, or we can lean fully into God and ask for Him to carry us in our weakest moments. When we God-up, instead of give up, God will always show up."

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Peace

A few days ago my mother arranged the furnitures in our room. The bed is now adjacent to the window. It's been a year ago since I arranged it from its old spot which is facing the door, (which according to Feng Shui is bad luck). But i'm not one to believe in luck or fortunes, for that matter. And as I look outside the window I've realized that I've missed the view. Well, all you can see from the window is the roof of the house next door and some of the houses in the neighborhood, maybe some trees too. But the good thing about it is the view from the second floor when the sun starts to set. It always makes me think about my life. How it changed so fast. From being feeling alone to being with all the people you love. And them because of some circumstances, I'll probably be alone in a few months time. I don't hate being alone, in fact I love it. And I prefer being it most of the time. I just hate it when I get too attached with a lot of people around me and yes, i'm talking about my family, and then after a long time, when they're gone I long for their company and when I try to reach them, they're all already busy with their lives. And I feel like I have no space in it for me anymore. I know, it's probably my fault. I tend to be masungit at times because let's face it, girls are really moody. I've only become so moody recently. I don't even know why. It's probably because all of a sudden, everything has changed. 

But this view made me think of my life and how it's actually peaceful and calm. I'm not saying that I don't have problems, it's just it makes me think of the good things and what and who God has blessed me with. And it makes me appreciate life more. This is one of the reason why I always always love taking pictures of the sky or nature. It reminds me how beautiful this world is and how blessed we are that God has given us the privilege of living in it and admiring it. And I also realized one thing: that I don't wanna be a photographer, I just want to capture the beauty of this world and share it to others for them to appreciate it if they don't yet or if they do, make them do it more. And hopefully someday, some people won't take it for granted anymore. 

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One Hell Of A Ride

Warning: This is gonna be a very looooooooong post.

Hi, it's me. I know it's been a long time since my last post but a lot has happened which I am gonna tell you in a few. This post is dedicated to my grandmother who just passed away last August. It's gonna be about last year, 2016. What happened, what did not happen and more.

2016 was a one hell of a ride for me. First few months, nothing special happened but come second quarter, hell, it was the most eventful time of my life. Last time I posted was on June 15, 2016. It was in the middle of the year and I was just at home, jobless. No idea what to do with life. I guess you could say I was experiencing a life existential crisis. Though I don't really know what that means. But this article might help us understand what it is. I can say I can relate to most of it. Lately, I've been feeling like I'm just floating around. Going with the flow. Living day by day. If you don't know what my everyday life is like nowadays, here it goes: Wake up at 8AM, eat breakfast, take a shower, go to work, go home, eat dinner and then go to sleep, with a little bit of checking my social media accounts in between. Sucks, right? But like I told myself, I did this to myself. I made this choice. You see, I graduated in 2014. Didn't get a job after. Until only later this year my father decided we build a new business. So we did. He went home last May 2016 from Saudi Arabia. He was an OFW. I think he realized I didn't want to work in offices or outside for that matter. He did know I feared getting out of my comfort zone. Honestly, up until now I still do. So, the wonderful father he is he insisted we build a business. He saw this franchise thing on Facebook. It's an all in one business of kind: Bill Payments, Travel & Tours, Money Remittance, Courier Service, E-Load. He thought it was a good business to build and so we did. He invested a lot of money in it. We opened last September and it's still going until now. We don't have a lot of customers yet but it's okay. The income is not cutting it since we pay a lot for the rent expenses so we decided to start running the business at home on February. I will be running it here in Cavite while papa will run it in Quezon City. Voila, we have 2 branches! Hopefully, everything will be okay and it will be successful.

Okay, here goes my problem. I have a lot to say. It's just sometimes, they all come when I'm at the most inconvenient time and place. Like when I'm in the bathroom or outside. I don't really like writing down my thoughts because my hand gets hurt immediately after I write all my thoughts, which I tell you, are a lot. So instead of writing, I prefer typing. I have my phone with me all the time. But I don't really like typing in it also because the screen is too small for me. It may sound like I'm just making excuses but it's true. The reason I haven't posted in 6 months is I'm just plain lazy. I write when I'm inspired or motivated, when I'm really in the mood for it. Like right now. 

Back to my story. This is probably hard to write into words but I have to.

Last August, the worst thing that ever happened to me, happened. My grandmother passed away. My family and I didn't expect it. My father and I were staying here in Cavite at the time because we were busy preparing for the opening of our new business. One day, my father got sick and then before we went home to Quezon City, my grandmother got sick, too. I didn't think it was severe until my cousin told me they were gonna bring Mommy to the hospital. I got worried, of course. I thought it was just cough and colds. But it was more than that. She had Pneumonia. I keep on praying that she gets well. Until I got there to stay the night. She looked really sick, she wasn't even talking. She laughed a little while we were all there. We ate together, but she didn't. I didn't sleep that night until morning because she couldn't fall asleep either. She couldn't breathe properly. Until it was dawn and then she fell asleep, I still keep praying and hoping she gets well. The nurses came and injected her meds. She woke up a little asking for water, I didn't hear it at first so I asked her again, I said, "Ma, tubig gusto mo?" The nurses helped me put her in a sitting position so she could drink. The way she asked for it, like it was really hard for her to speak. I don't know how to explain it was just sudden. It all happened so fast but it was the most devastating and heartbreaking thing that ever happened to me. She fell back, it was like she took her last breath then and there. And then I asked the nurse, "Kuya, humihinga pa ba?" And I was on the verge of crying. I called our family. The nurses were trying to revive her. They did CPR. They gave her meds. I was crying and crying and crying until all my family and relatives have arrived. They gave her meds to make her heart beating again. Turned out she had Diabetes and Kidney failure, too. But what happened was a cardiac attack. They brought her to the ICU and my family and I went home to get our stuff. And came back the next day. And when we came back, she was gone.

At that day when it happened, after I cried, I didn't cry anymore. Not until the day of her wake. I don't know why. They were still praying at that day. I did, too. But I just accepted it. I'd rather her be with God than see her suffering anymore. She's with God now. She's okay. She's in a much better place. 

My family and I have this myth that when a close family member passed away, they somehow turn into a butterfly. Mama Iya and Mamang were brown and Mommy was white. Everyday on our way to work, I always see white butterflies outside our house and near the gate of our village. I always think it was her. That she'll always be there, guiding us. 

Mommy, 

I know you're with God now. It's much better there I promise. You're not alone anymore. You're not sick anymore. You're better. Much, much better. I miss you. I miss everything about you. I'm sorry if I wasn't there when you needed someone. I hope I was. And I regret not being there for you so much. I think of you everyday. I love you and I will see you soon.

Love, 

Aiel

Last September 9, I wrote this poem (kinda) here on my blog but I didn't publish it. I just wanted to let it all out. Here it goes:

september 9, 2016

it's been 13 days since mommy passed away
there are times that it feels like its still not sinking in
everything happened so fast

i don't wanna remember the days she was suffering

i was in the hospital with her before the day she had a cardiac arrest

i was there
i saw it happened

her heartbeat and breathing stopped

they tried to revive her

she came back but she's not conscious

everything felt surreal

i was crying

i was praying

i was trying to accept what was happening

the next few days was her wake
i don't feel like telling anybody how i feel

though i know that they'd understand

cause they always say they do

so i thought of writing about it

instead of telling everybody about how i feel

people say writing is therapeutic
i've always wanted to write since i started loving reading books

but i feel like i'm not good enough

not good enough to write all these thoughts inside my head

i cannot put them in to the right words they're supposed to be in

i'm at a confused state right now
were about to open our business in a few days

and i don't even know how to function

i'm kind of excited and nervous at the same time

but i still feel like floating in the air

because of all that happened in the past few weeks

i feel so overwhelmed by all these feelings
i'm feeling them all at the same time

i don't know if it feels good or bad

if i like it or not

i want to move on but i don't want to let go

Don't worry. I'm feeling a lot better now. It still hurts because I miss her everyday but I'm okay. 

Do you know the saying, "Kapag may umalis, may darating?" My family and I used to joke about it that a guy would probably come into my life (I've been single for a long time) in 2016 haha but well it didn't happen yet. Though I'm not really in a hurry. I prefer to be alone most of the time. Something good happened. It wasn't a guy who's coming. It's a baby girl! My cousin is 8 months pregnant with her. We're all excited about it. It's a blessing. Of course, we were all shocked at first, we didn't expect it to happen this soon. But we're all happy for her. 

It's probably not a lot for other people, but for me, if you know me personally, it's a LOT. There's never something going on in my life because I'm always home. I also don't go out a lot. I probably have to soon.

Life lessons I learned in 2016? Let's see...

1.  People come and go
• You don't have to force them into your life if they want to go. If sometimes, maybe it's not their choice, or maybe it's just me but it seems like they're drifting away? I'm not that kind of person who chases after people just for them to stay in my life. I mean, you have to put an effort into your relationship. And I'm talking about all kinds of relationships.
2. I realized that I can do things I never thought I could do
• Last November 2015, I got sick with UTI & Dengue (though up until now I'm still not sure if those were really my diagnosis, the doctors who checked up on me didn't seem sure. lol) Since then, I stopped drinking soft drinks and powdered juices including iced tea. I love both, but I realized I can live without them. I still drink them occasionally, maybe twice or thrice this year. And I'm also planning on cutting another group of food like white bread, chocolates, pastries, etc. soon. Hope it goes well.
3. I really should start going out of my comfort zone
• This one I haven't really tried again last year but it's gonna be one of my new year's resolution. (Okay, I really don't believe in new year's resolution because every time I make a list of it, I don't follow them. haha) But hopefully, this year it's gonna be different.
4. People change
• They do. And sometimes, they change to the person who they said they will never be. And for me, it's not bad. We all grow. We all make mistakes and learn from them. There are experiences in life that change us as a person.

Okay, there's probably more lessons I've learned but since I'm a very forgetful person, I might not put them on the list anymore. Sorry! haha

And as you can see, I've changed my blog's name again (for the nth time, to be honest I don't really remember anymore). HER LIFE JOURNEY - 'her' pertaining to me. It sounded better than MY so yeah. Like I said in this post, I'm gonna do whatever I want to do with my life. And that includes my blog. haha Yeah, I change my mind a lot. Right now, I don't want to be like other bloggers out there, which I got the inspiration from when I made the Soul Seeker part of my blog. Starting today, all of it will be going to be about me. What I like, what I love, what happens in my life, whether they're gonna be good or bad. This is gonna be the purpose of this new name and this new year. This will be my online journal. Well, obviously, this blog has been all about me. I'm just gonna change the theme. I'm not gonna delete my old posts since they're part of my life journey. I'm just gonna make new ones. New memories, new photos, new journey..

2016, you were one hell of a ride but I'm ready to face a new one in 2017. Ciao.

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BIRTHDAY LETTER FOR MY BESTFRIEND

                       

To my dearest best friend,

You may age another year, but age is just a number. You look younger anyway heh

I honestly don't know what to say when I thought of writing this letter to you.

Sorry if I posted it through my blog, it seems very personal for the both of us

but I thought that making videos, posting your picture on Facebook/Instagram
and sending you my birthday message through text is so 2010. LOL

Everybody is doing it so I figured I will make it different this time.

So, to make it special and memorable, I'm writing this birthday letter to you

on my blog. (Nobody probably reads my blog so it'll be just me & you who'll

get to read this.)

On this special day, I want you to know that however you celebrate it,

with me there or not, or with the people you love most,

I will always be there with you. Not physically maybe, but I am there.

I know we rarely celebrate each other's birthdays together and I'm sorry

for that. I promise one day I will make it up for all your birthdays that I've missed.

Eh we promised each other that we'll travel someday, 'di ba? 

Malay mo one day we'll get to celebrate our birthdays in Paris

or in New York. TOGETHER. ;)

We just need to keep grinding! haha

Anyways, I also want you to know that I'll always be thankful

kasi even though we had a 'gap' in our college years, (we didn't

talked about it verbally but I think we both know we had) because we rarely

see each other back then except for the days na sabay tayong may pasok at
walang class at sabay pa tayong uuwi.

I will never ever forget the first day of  school, college na.

We were not in the same section so I was alone.

I was crying kasi I was so anxious and scared to go to school alone

and then tinawagan ka ni mama, nagkita tayo sa Munoz. Sinamahan mo ko.

We went to school together and then I felt better.

I don't know if you still remember that but I will always be thankful

for that moment because I literally had your back and your shoulders to cry on.

And if best friends get to marry (not in a weird way), yung vows na sinasabi
nila it also applies to us eh. Look:

"I, Raphaelle Gjanelli Manalastas, take you, Mikaella Ramos,

to be my best friend forever, to have and to hold from this day forward,

for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, 

in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish,

from this day forward until death do us part."

(Hope this isn't weird for you haha)

But yeah, I think it applies to us, too. Except ours will be like:

"Through jejemon days and glo'd up days,

through thick icing cake and caesar salads,

through fuck boys and good boys (or none at all),

through fangirling over Justin Bieber even if you're not an avid fan like me,

and even after death, if we believe in reincarnation,

we'd still be best friends."

Because we actually grew up together. 

Bhez, thank you.

For always making me happy (or making fun of me jk! haha)

For being my clown sometimes, which is ironic because you're scared of clowns lol

Even though we barely talk, with just one message, you're there.

so thank you for always being there for me. 

And you know that you can always count on me.

Sabi nila walang forever, pero alam ko satin meron :)

So to the bestest friend anyone could ever have,

happy happy birthday. I love you.

with much love,

Aiel

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New Year, New Me

I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore or if anyone has read it but I don't care, like what Nina Pineda told me, (not directly though because I asked her on ask.fm anonymously lol) I SHOULD DO IT FOR MYSELF so that's what i'm doing right now which I should've done a long time ago. At grabe, sobrang sarap sa feeling; to not care what other people say about you or what you should do because they will constantly tell you what they think is best for you even if it's not what you really want. Well, except sa parents of course. Believe me, they know best.

To be honest, I don't know why I couldn't find the inspiration or motivation to push myself on doing the stuff I like. I graduated back in 2014 but i'm unemployed until now. I kept asking myself before, "What do I really want to do in my life?" But i'm still on learning process. I'm growing. I mean, lahat naman tayo 'di ba? I'm getting out more, giving my self more chance to go out there. To do things I love the most. But we all have to sacrifice and work hard to get what we want. Sabi nga sa quote/song, "there's always a rainbow after the rain." So, I want to share my experience with you.

The last few days have been a great challenge for me. If you are a family relative or a friend who knows me very well, you would know how scared I am of getting out of my comfort zone. I get anxious whenever I have to something I don't usually do like just getting out of the house alone or commuting by myself, runnings errands by myself which is very ironic because I love being alone most of the time. I applied for a job, got interviewed and took exams but unfortunately, they haven't called me yet which I assume they won't because it's been 2 weeks since the interview. I even cried like twice before the day of the interview because I didn't want to do it. I was so anxious and nervous. But I prayed to God to give me strength and courage and He didn't fail me. I wasn't anxious and nervous at all when the day came. I was confident and took the exam and interview well. When I realized that they won't be calling me, I didn't feel rejected at all. It led me to what i'm doing now, doing what I really love (though I know I must find a job one of these days, maybe after the civil service exam) and it makes me really happy.

Before that, I registered for the civil service exam which will be on April 17, 2016 (please pray for me!). It took me a few days to get the requirements needed. I had to renew my driver's license pa since it expired April last year. Na-stress pa ako kasi when we arrived at LTO, we paid for the medical expenses for P300 tapos ang ginawa nila is check our eyes lang, no urine testing (for drug test) and it already costs us P300?? Ate Tin and I were like, "Grabe ang mahal naman tapos yun lang ginawa?" but we didn't have a choice but to keep it to ourselves, we fell in line, we waited and then when it's our time to get our license, wala na naman silang card! Imagine my stress. I was in a hurry that time kasi the last date of registration for the civil service exam is on Feb. 25. I needed a valid ID for registering. But thank God, a few days later we called them and they told us that we can get our license na. It was a relief kasi sobrang stressed na ako nun. But don't worry! Everything's settled so i'm just waiting for April to come. Yay!

Now that I know that i'm on the right path, I promise myself to always find the strength to start doing what I love to do which led me to start blogging again — photography and travel. As you can see on my previous posts, all I talk about was where I travel, what I do with my family, and how I love photography. Because that's what i'm passionate about. Traveling, photography and family. I don't travel often but when I do, I treasure them all in my heart and always pray to come back to the place I've been to. Oh, photography. How I love you so. I'll tell more about why I love photography on my next posts. And lastly, my family. Yep, i'm a family-oriented person. SUPER. I just love spending time with my family (who doesn't?).

The other night when I was scrolling thru my phone doing this and that I remember my blog again and how long it's been since my last post. My last blog post was posted last year in May (this is where i'm supposed to ask you, "can you believe that?" but I realize myself, yes I can lmao) and the experiences I had the past few days made me feel motivated and inspired to go on blogging again because I know in myself that I love doing it. The ideas just keep on coming, just take a look at what I did to my blog. You won't even know unless you're an avid reader of mine that I changed my layout, my title headlines(?), I even added gifs! Some people might think this is a new blog. Well, at least that's how I think and feel about it. lol and it feels wonderful. I felt the need to change my blog layout because the old one didn't feel like me anymore. I feel like it's another blog from another person instead of me. So here we are, new year new me (lol at the overused expression every new year.) I hope you like it because I'm loving it so much I think I just fell in love with my own blog. And I have a lot of posts coming up for you like about putting up a business - online shop, traveling again, new theme for my photography and why I changed my blog name (again, hope this is final lol) to Soul Seeker. There's just so many things that happened in the past year I can't wait to share it. And I wanna tell you a lot about what has happened right now but they just keep on coming I have to write them down lol. So I hope you watch out for that :)

- A

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HOW MUCH FOOD SHOULD I EAT?

My friend sent me an article about eating food too much. This is what the article says:

"Portion Distortion"

Cookies as big as frisbees. Muffins the size of flower pots. Bowls of pasta so deep, your fork can barely find the bottom. One reason people's waistlines have expanded over the past few decades is because food portions have too.

People today eat way more than they used to — and way more than they need to. This means that they're constantly taking in more calories than their bodies can burn. Unfortunately, lots of us don't realize that we're eating too much because we've become so used to seeing (and eating!) large portions.

Portion sizes began to increase in the 1980s and have been ballooning ever since. Take bagels, for example: 20 years ago, the average bagel had a 3-inch diameter and 140 calories. Today, bagels often have a 6-inch diameter and 350 calories. One bagel that size actually contains half a person's recommended number of grain servings for an entire day!

The price of such overabundance is high. It's common knowledge that people who consistently overeat are likely to become overweight. But they also risk getting a number of medical problems, including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, type 2 diabetes, bone and joint problems, breathing and sleeping problems, and even depression. Later in life, people who overeat are at greater risk for heart disease, heart failure, and stroke.

It's easy to understand why the food industry tends to serve way more food than is necessary: Customers love to feel like they're getting the best value for their money! But the value meal is no deal when it triples our calories and sets the stage for health problems.

So what can you do to take back control? A good place to start is knowing about two things that can help you eat smart: serving sizes and recommended amounts of different foods.

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BE YOURSELF

We all feel insecure, sometimes, don't we? Why? What are the reasons we feel insecure?

Well, I admit it. I feel insecure most of the time because of what I look like (As you can see, I am not pretty and sexy). I'm just a girl, what should I feel? I wanna change my body/appearance but I know I can't, so let's just stick with this (HA-HA). It won't make any difference anyways and I'd rather be like this than change what I look like and then have the people around me doubt about it. And besides, I have to be contented, right? God gave me what I have right now and I should be thankful for that.

First thing in the morning last Wednesday this is the first thing I saw on Twitter. (I always check Justin's tweet the moment I open my phone, it's a Belieber thing.) And I think it inspired me because I blogged about it somehow, (check my last blog entry) about something like this. For me, Justin's right. We're all beautiful when we're being just ourselves. This is the best thing we can do as a girl. We can't feel insecure anymore because if the people around love us for us, we'll be able to be ourselves around them and that makes them love us more.

And I know we're all beautiful in our Creator's eyes. Nothing is more important than that. :)

P.S I love you Justin for tweeting this! :)

- A

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WORLD'S STANDARDS

(Photo not mine)

The moment I saw this last night on Tumblr, sabi ko sa sarili ko, "Yun, alam ko na kung anong source ng problema ko ngayon at ilalagay ko 'to sa blog ko."

Bakit ko nga ba nasabi na ito yung problema ko ngayon? Sa tingin ko kasi ito eh. Kanina nung naliligo ako (walang malisya ah), iniisip ko na kung ano yung dapat kong ipaliwanag dito kung bakit ito nga yung problema ko. Nung isang araw sinulat ko 'to dito:

"Kasi kailangan kong mag-jogging, nakakapagod na maging mataba noh. Yung tipong may madadaanan kang store ng mga damit tapos may nagustuhan ka pero wala kang size. Sakit 'di ba? Well, ganyan ako lagi. Pero kaya nga eto, sana talaga maging effective. Motivation ko? Pag tumitingin ako sa mga latest pictures ko, ang pangit ko. (Hindi naman sa sinasabi kong maganda ako dati. Pero pwede na rin. Bawal umangal, blog ko to!) Kanina, nag-weigh in ako. (Tama ba? Whatever.) Nasa 145lbs ako. SHET. Imagini-n mo naman kung gaano kataba ako ngayon at kabigat diba. Panget ko pa. (Ok, masyado ko nang binababa sarili ko.) Pero totoo. Pero pag ako pumayat at sumexy? Ha! Lahat ng nagsabi sakin na mas mukha pa kong nanay sa nanay ko at pinagkakamalan akong mas matanda sa ate ko, yung mga taong mahilig manlait dyan *ehem*, yung mga taong nagsabi na hindi na ako papayat, humanda kayo, isusumbong ko kayo kay AMALAYER! JOKE. Hindi, wala naman ako gustong patunayan sa inyo pero sana sa susunod matigil na panglalait niyo ha? Kung maganda kayo dun kayo manglait."

Nasabi ko nga kaya 'to kasi gusto ko pumayat o baka naman gusto ko lang maranasan na mag-suot at pumorma ng ganito?

(Photos not mine)

Mga pormang gusto kong gawin ko ring porma pero hindi ko magawa kasi mataba ako.

Sa panahon kasi natin ngayon, sa tingin ko, ito yung isa sa mga bagay na masasabi mong 'tanggap ka' ng tao kapag pumorma ka ng ganyan. Oh kaya masasabi ko na maganda ka talaga. Pero bakit nga ba natin naiisip yun? And why do we live up to other people's expectations? To impress them? To show them that we can do what they can do? Isa sa mga bagay na na-realize ko sa pag-iisip ko tungkol sa problema ko na ito, eh bakit nga ba kailangan o iniisip lang natin na kailangan natin gawin 'to? Wala naman akong kailangan i-impress na tao kasi kung sila (mga tao sa society ngayon) nga wala silang pakialam sa akin, ako mangingialam sa kanila? Naisip ko rin, bakit nga ba gusto ko silang gayahin? Hindi ko rin naman maintindihan yung sarili ko. Iniisip ko ba kung kapag katulad ko na sila, makukuntento na ako? Eh kapag ginaya ko naman sila parang hindi ko na ma-identify yung totoong ako kasi kung anong meron sila, iisipin ko meron din dapat ako.

Pag mataba ka kasi, marami kang hindi pwede ma-suot. Karamihan sa sizes sa mga tindahan ng damit puro pang-sexy lang mga size nila. Anong magagawa naming mga matataba kungdi tignan lang yung mga damit na gusto naming bilhin pero 'di namin magawa. Ayoko naman ibaba masyado yung sarili ko (masakit din naman noh). Pero let's face reality. Alam ko naman na kaya kong magpapayat, pero mahirap rin tanggihan ang pagkain noh (alam ko, alam niyo yung feeling, kayong mga nakakarelate)! Sobrang hirap. Sa lahat ata ng bagay na hindi ko magagawa, nasa pinakauna sa listahan yung hindi kumain ng marami. Grabe lang. Wag kang mag-alala, itutuloy ko naman yung jogging ko para healthy pa rin. Hindi naman maiipon ang fats at calories sa tyan ko.

Naisip ko rin, pag may nagsabi sa akin na, "Taba mo kasi eh, magpapayat ka kasi.", "Akala ko ba nagdidiet ka? Bakit ang taba mo pa rin?", "Mag-diet ka kasi para masuot mo yung mga damit mo." Blah, blah, blah. (Paulit-ulit lang sabihin na mataba ako, teh? Alam ko na yun.) Siguro, iiwasan ko na lang na hindi mag-react. Dedma na lang. Wala naman sila magagawa kung masarap ako kumain, eh. This is me, I eat so much food. I am fat. Pero siguro dapat itigil ko na rin sabihan yung sarili ko na ang taba ko. Minsan mahirap rin kasi. Kapag aalis kayo, marami kang damit pero di ka makapili kasi yung iba hindi na kasya, kasalanan ko rin naman kasi marami nga ako kumain. Minsan nga, hindi ako makapili ng damit naiiyak pa ko. Self-pity kumbaga. Pero naisip ko na hindi naman ata tama yun. Marami akong damit, hindi lang ako marunong mag-ayos/pumorma. Kaya sa susunod wala na akong pakialam sa sasabihin ng ibang tao (paulit-ulit ko rin 'tong sinasabi, sana magawa ko). Ito ako eh. You should love me for this or leave me, keribels lang.

Sana yung mga nagbabasa nito na ganito rin ang problema, ma-inspire kayo. SANA. Hindi ko rin alam kung nai-explain ko ng mabuti eh. Sorry ah. 

Salamat ulit sa pagbabasa. Hanggang sa susunog na blog entry ko :)


- A

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DON'T EAT, YOU'RE FAT.

 

Tama nga bang sabihin ko 'to sa sarili ko? Oh baka naman masyado ko na naman binababa sarili ko. Oh kaya baka sobra na?

Kaninang umaga, gumising ako, mga 4:30. Yun nga magjo-jogging nga kami. Natuloy naman. (Buti naman, kasi akala ko hindi.) Dun kami sa Cherry nag-jogging, nakailang ikot din naman kami pero karamihan lakad lang muna. Ayaw naman naming biglain yung katawan namin. Pero ang pinakagusto ko kaninang umaga, dumaan kami sa church para magsimba/magdasal. Ang sarap lang sa feeling. After how many months, kanina lang ulit ata ako nakapasok sa simbahan. Oo, aaminin ko, hindi na ako nagsisimba. Which is a really wrong move. Alam ko naman na kung ano yung kapalit ng hindi ko pagsimba, pero siguro sa akin na lang muna yun.

Pagdating namin sa bahay, nagpahinga. Natulog ulit. Pero si Shayne pumasok, 8 kasi yung start ng class niya. Nagising ako mga 9 na para mag-prepare for school. Ayun, pumasok, blah blah blah. Wala namang nangyari sa school na masyadong maganda. Boring lang. Pagdating ko, sumuway ako sa 'rule' naming apat. Ang rule kasi namin wala nang kakain ng rice sa gabi. Pero pagdating ko wala si ate. Walang pagkain. Gutom na ko. Pagdating niya may dala siyang Sizzling Tofu mula sa Max's. Eh di alam mo na kung anong nangyari. Isa 'to sa mga bagay na gusto baguhin ko sa sarili ko. Gustong-gusto ko magbago, pero hindi ko magawa. Bakit? Hindi ko rin alam. Lagi ko naman sinasabihan at pinipilit sarili ko. Sinasabi na para sa sariling kapakanan ko rin naman 'to. Pero ang hirap kasi talaga. Pero wala namang magagawa kung magrereklamo lang at walang gagawin para mabago yun diba? Kaya dapat kumilos. 

Kani-kanina lang nanuod ako ng interview ni Justin with Oprah Winfrey. Una pa lang, parang medyo naiiyak na ko. Ewan ko, konti lang makakaintindi sakin kung bakit (oh baka wala), pero malay natin diba? May mga friends naman akong 'fangirl' din. Pero sabi nila, iba daw talaga yung sa akin. Maybe they will never understand me. Nasabi ko na dati kung bakit ganito nararamdaman ko para kay Justin (corny ba?). Oo, ang corny pala pag Tagalog. Pero baka kasi magdugo na naman ilong ko pag nag-English ako. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko rin ma-explain kung bakit ko super love yun eh. Basta alam ko, I do love him so much. Hindi ko na rin siguro pipilitin yung mga taong nakapaligid sakin na intindihan yung love ko para kay Justin. Isipin na nila gusto nila isipin, sabihan man nila ako ng baliw o ewan, wala na akong pakialam. Wala naman sila sa posisyon ko kaya hindi talaga nila yun maiitindihan. :)

Anjan naman yung 30 million sisters ko para maintindihan ako. At para sa akin, enough na yun. :)

Sa mga haterz niya, ewan. Try niyo panuorin 'tong interview niya para maintindihan niyo siya. Eto yung links:

Part 1: http://t.co/wQkEzNoF

Part 2: http://t.co/L8cVBDxi

Part 3: http://t.co/7vrEgBa2

Part 4: http://t.co/kMOKlbpe

Siguro balang araw, ikukwento ko rin dito kung paano ako naging Belieber. Balang araw..

Maaga na naman akong gigising bukas. Hindi pa ako nakapagdesisyon kung papasok ako. Parang petiks lang kasi 'tong week na to. AS Days kasi tapos sa Friday, holiday pa. Bahala na bukas. Pero mukhang alam mo na kung ano magiging desisyon ko. ;)

Salamat ulit sa pagbabasa. :)

-A

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